THE LIRPASONIC EARSQUEEZER  VERY DYNAMIC HEADPHONES

(In selected audio salons by October 31)

Dr. Lirpa is at it again! This time it's a new departure in high end headphones based on a unique design licensed from Dr. Frankenstein. Dr. Lirpa, leaving no stone unturned in a lifelong pursuit of the ultimate audio, feels that mass is the key to superior headphone reproduction just as it is for turntables, DVD and CD players and the like. Eighteen-inch drivers achieve the lowest frequency extension of any headphones ever designed. They are basically earsubwoofers. Since he eschews lighter-weight materials the new phones are not especially suitable for jogging, portable use, or even sitting in an upright position for that matter. An optional chaise lounge is available at excessive extra cost to hold both the user and - on a specially reinforced section at the top - the headphones themselves. Dr. Lirpa suggests at least 400 watt monoblocks to power his heavy-duty headphones. Unfortunately another advantage of most headphones - private listening that will not bother others in the area - must be bypassed. In fact it is suggested that the room be entirely cleared of any other people lest they suffer the dangers of second-hand sound. The included electrodes monitor brain activity while listening to the phones and their response is continually tailored to match the frequency and dynamic range to the particular receptive level of the brain. Suggested musical material to break in the headphones includes the soundtracks to Metropolis, Brainstorm and Clockwork Orange.

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